I Think It’s Okay To Care
It’s okay to let people know you care.
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I woke up one morning and there he was, on my mind, front and center.
I’m not sure why he decided to pop up this day, and the days after, but I tried my best to let him just be there, in my mind floundering around.
As I get older and my mortality becomes more real, I do my best to reach out to those who “pop up” and flounder in my mind to check-in. But with him, I didn’t want to.
I told myself he was doing well, and there would be no reason to go down that lane again because that’s what reaching out is apparently, going down a lane.
We first dated years ago when I was in my early twenties and again two years ago. Lack of communication, long-distance, my travel dreams, and emotional immaturity brought our chapter to an end.
Still, after some time passed, we were able to communicate as friends eliminating any ill will.
As the days went on, he continued to move about in my mind, and like clockwork, I picked up my phone to a notification that someone liked one of my photos on Instagram.
It was him.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not going to work,” I scolded the Universe.
A few more days went by, and he was still fumbling around in my head, but this time, an image of his grandmother who I know he loves deeply appeared.
My resistance and stubbornness were still holding me hostage, so I just wished and willed good health and safety for his grandmother.
Like any mature grown-up, I aimlessly scrolled on Instagram to avoid thinking of him and came across an IG TV video of a guy speaking about what I assumed was the end of a relationship based on the text over the video: “I got my heartbroken.”
This guy, poised, handsome, and vulnerable, shared his experience of meeting a young woman who he was extremely taken with, and from listening to him speak about her, you could hear the respect and admiration he had for her.
He openly shared his interest in pursuing a dating relationship with her and mentioned to viewers he was hopeful about marrying her one day.
He didn’t specify the exact length of time in which they were speaking but shared that the young woman unexpectedly ended things with him, no longer interested in pursuing a dating relationship.
Listening to this stranger speak openly and freely about his heartbreak was refreshing. It shook me to hear him talk transparently, without ego and pure authenticity.
The video immediately made me think of my ex…again — not because I wanted to pursue a relationship with him, but because I realized I was letting my ego get in my way of simply reaching out.
“The biggest thing that came to my mind about the experience and me being sad and hurt about it, and it not working out was that I think it’s okay. It’s okay to be sad when things don’t go our way….And so I just really came to learn that man, it was okay for me to care.” — Hafeez Baoku
I didn’t want to send a text to my ex because of the potential story he might create when he saw my name appear on his screen. I didn’t want him to know I was thinking of him, but more importantly, I didn’t want him to know I cared.
But I did care, and it was like a gut check for me to recognize my ego taking center stage instead of the caring, emotionally mature woman, I work hard to be every day.
After watching the video, I smiled, shook my head, and sent a text to my ex. He and his grandmother are doing well.
